Friday, April 4, 2014

Who Am I?

Probably something I should have written when I first started this page.  But, then again, I am a someone completely different from the someone who started this page and never kept up with it.

I think my favorite answer would be 'No one of consequence.'

But that certainly isn't the truth.  Most definitely in the case, and opinion, of one of my ex-friends and her boyfriend.

So who am I?  I am me.  Flawed, insecure, pained, afraid, scared, and probably a lot more negative nouns that I can't think of right now.  But, I'm also honest (most of the time), loyal to a fault, as kind as I can be, simple (not minded, although I have my days, easy no that's not right either I am someone who people seem to be at ease with I suppose is sort of where I'm going with this), many people will probably have many other positive things to add. And lastly, as you may have already noticed easily ditracted.  I tend to have Squirrel moments which is why I am fond of parentheses and the strike through feature.

I'm over weight, over worked, under paid.  I have lived a life full of positive and negative.  I have screwed up and will probably continue to screw up, I hope that I have also done good things.

And I don't really know what this page will be about.  I know that I may post things that don't have any other safe outlet.  And I know that some of the people that I may write about are not all around bad people but that most of the things I'll post about them will be about their transgressions against me. 

I also know that I want to use this page to teach myself to appreciate positive things more, even if they are small. 

Because life is too short to live with that knot at the bottom of your stomach that crawls into your throat and lodges itself while tears threaten to break what little self restraint you have and usually at the time that you can't afford to have it happen.

I know because I have spent years with that feeling, and spent the same amount of time thinking that that feeling is my fault because I wasn't enough of someone else to fit in.  I still have that problem.  But it gets easier to loosen the knots when you can do, see, taste, and make good memories and things for yourself and others who will appreciate it.  That is a very important point, note that it is in caps.  If people don't appreciate what you do and who you are don't try harder thinking its your fault they will just continue to sap the time soul and, most likely, money out of you in your desperate attempt to make yourself feel better by being liked, another little nugget I've picked personally and through years of my mother trying to bash it over my head.

I kind of figure that very few people will actually read this but to those who do I hope you can find something; useful, entertaining, or, if you're a grammar nazi, something to make your head explode.

See you later my duckies.

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